Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Giving In (Not Up)

Well, I faltered. I slipped up. I let myself fall off the wagon. Now, before I tell you about my dramatic downward spiral, let me say this: I didn't end in my gorging on chocolate and white flour-based products. However, I veered off the path of Whole30, and I feel like I should (very) humbly admit that to you.

For the past 10 days, I have been eating clean. As you may have read in my prior post, I was quite the legalist about doing everything by the book. I even lost 7 pounds during my brief journey through the sugarless, dairyless, grainless land of Whole30. By Monday this week, I was feeling ill. Yes, I was likely reeling from the missing sugar and grain that dominated my diet pre-Whole30. As I stood at my desk with a pounding headache and incurable nausea, I plead with God to give me strength and to make my grilled chicken and mashed avocado lunch seem appetizing. Since then, it's been a constant battle of will, i.e. I'm consistently disgusted with eating yet another grilled chicken strip, avocado, and handful of almonds.

So, I did it. I went to Chipotle, and I ordered a kids quesadilla. I know, I know - cheese and white flour? Yes. And yes. It was delicious. And maybe I'm justifying here (probably), but I started this journey to lean on the Lord for wisdom in making healthy decisions - something that I had also veered off path in doing. I could have ordered a burrito, and in my state of hunger, I would have eaten the whole thing. But, I didn't. I know the Lord has given me the strength to be prudent in the midst of my deprivation. And, though I feel that we are called to be long-suffering, I don't know that it comes at the expense of unrelenting nausea and headaches. Seminary students, feel free to educate me on that.

So, if you were taking bets, it was 10 days. Congratulations on your winnings! But, I should tell you that I feel as though I hit reset on my thoughts about food, and that the Lord is in this because I can't exactly be trusted to keep my hand out of the candy bowl on my own.

No comments:

Post a Comment